My first time reading

Wanna know what it's like reading for the first time? Okay I'll tell you. Scary as hell!

This year I attended the BSB Palm Springs event and oh yeah, I was just a tad bit nervous. All right, I lied. I was a LOT nervous. If you were there, maybe you could tell. Maybe you couldn't. Luckily I didn't falter too much or worse, pass out, but I had the typical newbie deer in the headlights expression and let's just say the hands never stopped shaking. I read from my new short story Plagued by Darkness which appears in the new BSB anthology, Women of the Dark Streets. Luckily I love reading about vampires so I think I pulled it off or at least everyone said I did (I still think they were just being nice.)

Surprisingly once I got past the drooling on myself stage, I truly enjoyed reading and on occasion had the opportunity to glance up and see people's reactions. The serious looks on their faces or an occasional smile told me that they were listening intently and as an author, isn't that what we strive for? To gain someone's undivided attention and allow them to experience what we've written through words and emotion. There are times when I've wondered if people have read my book and are just saying they liked it to be nice. But being able to see the audiences reactions to my readings and other author readings, allowed me to understand that some of them aren't just being polite. They truly like what we've written, and to an author that is a great compliment. Their body language and facial features spoke volumes. Maybe an adjustment in their seat when someone read something erotic. Or a slight quirk to their lips when someone read something funny. Occasioanlly an audience member would lean forward, intent on the authors ever move, every word. Being able to hold someone's attentions with not only our words but our voices gave me a power I never even knew I had. It's almost addicting really. It gave me incentive to want to write even more. I had found another way to make people happy, make them laugh. Then came day two.

My second day someone put me in charge of moderating. Yep that's right. A newbie with control of the mic. For a month prior, I had stressed over what I was going to say since noticing my name next to the word moderator. Actually, like I told the audience, at first I thought it was a mistake. Turns out it wasn't. A few author introductions later I had calmed down enough to realize it wasn't a big deal and I actually enjoyed asking the authors questions instead of me being the one put on the spot. Because honestly, that was the hardest part for me. The spontaneous questions. I don't like surprises maybe because I'm one of those people who like to be in control. My life is orderly right down to the clothes hanging in my closet by color (freaky I know).  And before you say it, yes I'm aware that control is an illusion. You can blame it on my astrological sign, my parents or Ronald McDonald but I can't relax when I have no idea what's going to happen. It's amazing I don't live my life in a constant state of stress( oh wait...I do) but something like not knowing what others were going to ask of me really had me on edge. Then came day three.
Reading again... So about five minutes before we have to sit in front of everyone for two hours and read from our upcoming new stories, Rad goes around and tells everyone she want us to explain to the audience about our writing themes. Remember that deer in the headlights look I talked about earlier? Well turns out it reappeared and I was more dazed than ever. What theme, I thought? I've written one book. Sure I have another on the way and a short story written but I didn't really think that qualified me for having a set theme. Turns out I was wrong. My answer may have seemed lame at the time and honestly I don't remember most of what I said. But now that I've had time to digest the answer it appears I like books with numbers in the title, stories that have native american women in them because I think they are freakin' hot, and I like writing about strong women who think that they don't need anyone until they meet the one person that completes them and proves them wrong.

So to sum it all up, I learned a lot this past weekend. From Rad, from my editor, and from other authors. I made some new friends. Met a few fans. All in all it was a great experience. So what did I conclude about my first time reading?

Never let them see you sweat. Although in Palm Springs that's hard to do. :-)
 

One Touch

My new story One Touch has been an interesting project because it deals with the delicate subject of addiction and second chances.Thankfully I've never had an addiction issue but I've known people who have  and what I do know is that it is a very long road once someone decides to overcome that addiction. My hope with this story is to show that struggle and to prove that with a lot of support anyone can have a fighting chance. 

One Touch Synopsis

Jaime Rivers is an author who is recovering from being addicted to pain medication after an accident that had nearly claimed her life. The last few years have been a struggle both physically and mentally. Her only salvation is her writing but since she's recovered, the writing has stopped. She is invited to join her high school graduating class for their 10 year reunion for a 7 day cruise on board the Sun Princess. High school is filled with memories that she doesn't want to revisit but thanks to her pesky best friend, she is persuaded to go.

Sierra Connor is the travel agent put in charge of the reunion cruise and also a member of the graduating class. She has tried hard to forget about high school especially since she was the one to have walked away from Jaime after Jaime kissed her all those years ago. Her boss tells her she has to attend, if for nothing else, to keep the guests happy. When Jaime's supposed lover calls Sierra to book the cruise, Sierra panics and all those memories of Jaime come roaring back.

Will these two women ever be able to overcome their past and be friends again or will the memory of that one touch haunt them forever.

Creating the Perfect Protagonist

The first lesbian romance I ever read was Katherine V. Forrests famous novel, Curious Wine. When I bought the book 15 years ago, it was called the "Best Lesbian Romance Novel of All Time." I was fascinated by the characters. Both equally beautiful. Both intelligent women. At the time, I was struggling with my sexuality. I think I've always known I was gay. In fact, when I came out to my friends most said, "What took you so long." Seems everyone else knew what took me nearly 30 years to figure out. Books such as Curious Wine helped me to become more comfortable with my sexuality. But the problem was I had a hard time relating to the characters. The protagonists were either all beautiful women or they were women who suffered major tragedies. Lots of these stories ended badly. My biggest problem with these earlier novels was that many of the characters had been involved with men first. I realized now that this was most likely due to the time period. I'm sure lots of authors wanted to eliminate men from the equation altogether but it just didn't happen. I'd heard stories from various sources saying that one of the reasons women had to be tied to men in some way for these stories to work was because publishers wouldn't think readers would find it believable that two women could fall in love without having experienced being with a a man first. The characters needed to figure out that being with a man didn't satisfy their needs. They of course would eventually look elsewhere to fulfill these needs, whether on purpose or by accident, and presto! The two characters find each and everything falls into place. Crazy, huh? But not really. This, of course happens even today but not to the majority. I'm sure back in the early 80's when books like these were written, before gays and lesbians had an easier time coming out, this kind of situation happened more than it does today. Of course I have no proof to back up that statement but regardless that reality still didn't help me relate. I'd never considered myself pretty, nor butch. Nothing tragic had happened to me. Even though I mostly enjoyed the books I read, I didn't want to be any of these characters. Hell, they made my life seem like a bed of roses. Nothing clicked. And then...

Seven years later...

It's 2002, and I walk into a Barns and Noble book store. I'm perusing the gay and lesbian section, coming across the book that would ultimately change my life. Above All Honor by Radclyffe was the first lesbian romance novel I could finally relate to. For once, I was reading about two very strong Protagonists. Both wanted things their way. One lived by principle, the other flew by the seat of her pants. Now, I'm not as noble as Secret Service Agent, Cameron Roberts or nowhere near as emotionally driven as Blair Powell but what those characters offered me was an indepth look at two women who held their fates in their own hands and each others. Neither were married to a man before. Neither needed men for emotional support. Finally, a book I could sink my teeth into. But what really fascinated me was that I felt like someone finally understood what I was looking for in a protagonists. Since then, I've read many great books by some pretty talented authors and it was these books that inspired me to write.

I remembered thinking once, If these authors could do this, so can I. In 2004, I picked up my pen and began. Years later as I type away or use my speaking software to help write down my thoughts, I think back to those days. I've said this before, what's important to me is that my readers remember my characters for years to come. I think to achieve this, my characters need to be strong (emotionally and sometimes physically), have
very distinct personalities, but most importantly be vulnerable in ways that make them trust one another to the point they open up their hearts and figure out that they cant live without each other. The reason I've always loved lesbian romance is because I believe two women can achieve this better than any other dynamic. Why you ask? Simple. Because we feel. What I mean is that we are driven to please each other. To listen to what the other person wants and desires. We usually end up putting the others needs before our own. That in itself makes us want to fall in love with either one or both of the characters. It's then we want to become them. Make them a part of our life like they're real. We want to know how their story ends and if given the chance with sequels, see how they've grown over time as one and find out where their headed. Like friends and family, we wonder how we ever lived without them. So what makes a great protagonist? I believe it's the ability of those characters to ultimately touch our lives forever.

Holding that first Book

Wow! What a feeling to come home and find that the postman has delivered my first published book. There's nothing like it, let me tell you. As I sit here typing this, my emotions are all over the map. Excitement. Joy. Fear. If you're a writer, you probably understand. If not, let me explain.

Excitement is easy. To have someone recognize that you have talent. That your words are worth publishing is thrilling in itself. To have friends cheer you on. To have your loved ones by your side through the process. Everything counts. I'm excited because today I hold my first book in my hands. It's new and shiny. The cover, thanks to our amazing and ever so talented cover artist, Sheri, is truly a work of art. I'm excited because, today I can actually call myself a writer. Wow!

Joy helps me describe that giddiness inside that makes me want to jump up and down and yell, "I did it!" Oh, wait. I already did that :-) Marrying the woman of my dreams was the single greatest moment of my life. Compared to that scale, this is a close second. I am a very lucky person. I've always known and appreciate that. Today, I appreciate it even more.

Fear. Here is where my self doubt begins to creep into my consciousness. I'm sure anytime someone puts a creative piece of themselves out there, be it a book, art, or anything from their imagination, that person must begin to wonder if everyone see's their work of art the way the creator intended. I'm no different. Until I start getting feedback from fans. Until the critics begin to evaluate my work, I'm going to be a little nervous. But hey, it's my first book. For all you soon to be critics and fans, no matter what the comment, I look forward to hearing from you.

Three Days Part 5-The Feet

So, I started with a story concept and years later have a final product I can share with everyone. Three Days is my first completed work and let me tell you the process is long and detail oriented. The story concept began with my little adventure in Vegas and blossomed into a story set in the very same town between two women who are like night and day. I tried to build a couple of strong characters and plot a storyline. Added a lot of sexual tension and drama to hopefully make the reader keep reading. Then a team of talented people ripped everything to shreds in the hopes of helping Three Days be the best story it can be. So what's left--The Feet--The sum of all parts coming together in one extraordinary package.

Yes, Three Days can finally stand on it's own feet. In fact, when I receive my first copy, I'll place it on my bookshelf to prove it :-) I can't wait to hold that first book in my hand. Maybe then, I'll finally believe I got my chance at being an author.

Come October 17th 2011, I hope you pick up a copy and enjoy!   

Three Days Part 4-The Legs

Someone told me a long time ago, if you can't stand you can't fight. When it comes to a story, the legs don't just support the weight, they help tie everything together. Here is where I praise my editor and everyone behind the scenes. Yes, the story is mine. My concept. My characters. My words. BUT what helps keep it all together are the people like my editor, Vic, and someone with Rad's expertise to find all my mistakes and keep my story and characters in check.

After looking over the final draft of Three Days, I still see the original story but a lot has changed, and let me say for the better. Whereas before, the story would've fallen flat on it's face, now it can not only stand--it has strength. Let me explain. Three Days started out as a romance where Vegas happened to be the backdrop. But after being taught how to use the backdrop as an essential part of the storyline, I realized my story would not have been the same if it was set somewhere else. Not only were the characters hot but everything around them was too. Sweaty bodies, skimpy outfits, and of course sex all played a part whether it was used to describe people walking on the street or the exchange between the two main characters. I think this was one of my biggest lessons learned the first time around.

It's during this part of the process where my manuscript got ripped to shreds. I haven't seen that much red since college (not a pretty sight, let me tell you). But, it was because of this essential part of the process that I learned what works and what doesn't. Now, I'm not giving away any trade secrets. What I can tell though is that I appreciated every idea and every suggestion thrown my way. I had a few laughs and a few sleepless nights but eventually everything came together. I'm guessing that a lot of people wouldn't like it if someone took something they had thrown their heart and soul into and torn it to pieces. Am I right? What I will reiterate is that this is all part of building a story. You need a strong stomach and a lot of strength to get through it but when it's over, you'll appreciate everything the people behind the scenes did for you.     

So what is my conclussion? That by putting all my small lessons together they created one giant lesson for me. Everything matters. Period. If it's not important don't write about it. Which of course is a whole nother lesson in itself. Remember, if you can stand, you can fight. So use everyone supporting you in your corner to help give your story a fighting chance.

One more body part to go. Stay tuned for the feet..... 

Three Days Part 3-The Body

When I think of bodies, I think of perfect breasts, great legs, and curves in all the right places. I'm sure most lesbians reading this blog right now are saying "Amen Sister!"  But that is not the type of body I'll be talking about today--Sorry :-( No, what I'll be talking about is everything in a story that makes the story, well a story.

The body is the "meat and potatoes" of the story. It's all the events that bring the characters together along with what happens to force them apart. In Three Days, the backdrop is Vegas and a bachelorette party. Both women are reluctant to go and then find out that their weekend is not turning out how they planned. Then there's of course the dialogue, the interplay with secondary characters, and the one event that brings them together.

The body is the hardest part of the story for me. Openings, closings, and sex are my three favorite parts. The rest is where I, as an author, struggle. Thanks to Rad's wisdom,  I really had to get into the head of my characters and figure out everything that made them tick. What really helped was acting out the parts. I found I was more in touch with Dakota, but like I said in my first blog, she was much easier for me. Shawn is sensitive, shy, and had to deal with issues of always being beautiful. None of this, of course, applies to me. Dakota, on the other hand, is outspoken, chivalrous, and can get any women she wants (and as my wife will tell you in my case--two out of three ain't bad). Anyway, I had to find a way to make these two complete opposites work. All I can tell you is that it was challenging, fun, and with the help of a great teacher a story was born.

My best advice to new authors is to remember we are "NEW." Let the experts guide you. Let them cut, paste, remove, revise, and when they tell you the story needs work, listen to them! All I can say is that I went into the process with a manuscript and came out of it with a book.

Part 4-The Legs--coming soon......